she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
