Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
