Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
