Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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