she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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