Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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