Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
