it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
We got so high we made milksteak
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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