dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
