1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
