New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
