Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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