You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
