Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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