Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I'm passing your future prison.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
