I can text with my tongue
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
