Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
