We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
