is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
