And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
