why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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