You can't special order awesome
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
