I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
