Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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