do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
