It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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