I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
