hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Randomize
