I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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