i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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