dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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