Having a random hookup so left but love u
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Randomize
