loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
