i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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