return my video game
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
