You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
