How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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