I want to make a zoo with you.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
tell me about the eggs
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