I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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