First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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