And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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