It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
