Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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