We won't sleep together?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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