On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Randomize
