It's like God shit irony all over that family
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
