I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
