I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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