My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
