ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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