Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
