I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
