if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
