he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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