I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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