If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
