Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
