Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
