By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
